Healing from Isolation: Belonging and Mental Health Support after Covid Lockdown

For cross-cultural advocate, Yang-May Ooi, writing here about a dinner with friends at the Eastern European restaurant prompted memories of how difficult it was just a few years ago when we were all locked down during the pandemic. Restaurants, pubs and other social spaces were closed, depriving us of one of the great pleasures of life: gathering over food and drink with friends. Reflecting back on the pandemic, Yang-May looks at the isolating legacy of lockdown.

The Isolation of Lockdown

Many of us prefer not to think about that awful time during Covid. For me, it was particularly painful and difficult. I was going through a divorce and my ex-partner and I were locked down in the same house. My siblings and parents and I could not see each other, made worse by the fact of my parents being in Malaysia and us being in the UK. I spent a lot of time in my study, a small room the size of three desks, and going for walks and cycle rides around South London. I did try and make sure to speak to at least one friend or family member every day to maintain supportive and warm human contact. 

One friend Heather* told me that there were some days when she felt she did not exist. She lived on her own and her family were also spread far and wide. Her usual day to day life would have involved engaging with her colleagues in the office during the day. Most evenings and during the weekends, she would usually see friends and family or do some collaborative sporty activity. During lockdown, she was able to do work from home and attended Zoom meetings. She could speak to friends and family digitally and go for walks. 

But the long periods physically alone affected her mental health. She would spend hours staring out of the window and it seemed sometimes that her body dissolved and she was not there. Because there was no-one physically present who saw her or acknowledged her existence. It was as if her self had been totally annihilated. 

And all that time, out in the world, people were falling seriously ill and many were dying. National responses around the world differed in quality and confidence. There was anxiety about civil liberties in the context of lockdown, the dangers or otherwise of vaccinations, the risk of infection from strangers and foreigners. Beyond each of our own individual experiences, we all also picked up on this global fear and uncertainty. 

Psychological and Emotional Impact of Covid

Lockdown ended three years ago in 2022. Over the course of that year, the world returned to “normal”. But we can still see in some public spaces the stickers telling us to stand 2 metres apart. Some people still wear masks in crowded areas, especially if they are older or are more vulnerable. Covid is still around though in a milder form and some people are still getting it. In the background, there is a lurking fear about another global pandemic that may emerge without warning. 

While many of us are getting on with our lives as best we can, mostly blanking out the difficulties of that period from present memories, the long term impact of lockdown remains with us not just in the public spaces as I mentioned above, but also psychologically and emotionally. 

The World Health Organisation reported a 25% increase in anxiety and depression worldwide directly linked to the pandemic. Their report states:

“One major explanation for the increase is the unprecedented stress caused by the social isolation resulting from the pandemic. Linked to this were constraints on people’s ability to work, seek support from loved ones and engage in their communities.

Loneliness, fear of infection, suffering and death for oneself and for loved ones, grief after bereavement and financial worries have also all been cited as stressors leading to anxiety and depression. Among health workers, exhaustion has been a major trigger for suicidal thinking.”

Seeking Help is Freeing

If you or someone you know is experiencing anxiety or depression, it is important to acknowledge these feelings and seek professional help. One place to go is your GP or contact a counselling body like The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

If you feel it is safe to do so, you can also talk to a trusted friend or family member. Opening up our vulnerabilities in a safe setting can help us feel less alone. I myself have experienced anxiety and when I talked about it openly in my podcast The Anxiety Advantage, it seemed to allow others to speak about their own anxiety. In sharing our feelings together in an appropriate way, we were able to share a deeply human connection.

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The Safe Space of Counselling 

I have also been able to take steps to manage my anxiety as well as difficult emotions and experiences by going to counselling. 

Beyond talking to friends and family, therapy or counselling offers us a safe space to be present to ourselves and our struggles in life that is incredibly powerful and healing. It can help us explore our feelings of isolation and disconnection, fear and shame and all the emotions that come from being human under the unconditional positive regard of a trained professional. The experience can be upsetting and painful but when I have stuck with the process through the difficult parts, I have emerged more grounded and more fully able to be myself and with better skills to face the challenges of life. 

Like me, Heather has spoken to friends and family about what she experienced in lockdown. And has also been to therapy to deal with not just the feelings she had in that period but also the jumble of feelings of abandonment and loss that were tangled up in it all, made worse by the isolation. She is much happier, stronger and settled in herself now, living the life she had been dreaming of for many years prior to the pandemic. I feel she was prompted by that difficult period to grab life with both hands before it was too late. 

It is as if she is now fully embodying who she is and what she wants. As if she Belongs to herself. 

Belonging in Ourselves

I feel very much that Belonging is as much about being fully grounded in ourselves as it is about being part of a community or “tribe”. When we belong in ourselves then we cannot be so easily pushed and pulled by our fears and doubts. When we are grounded in who we are, we are less likely to be fragmented by the painful challenges that life might throw our way. We are less afraid to ask for help. We are less likely to be tossed about by our emotions into unhealthy responses.

Instead, like Heather, when we belong in ourselves, we may instead find the courage to connect authentically with our friends and family. We may even be inspired to make changes in our lives in a creative and positive way so we can live this one life of ours in the most joyful way we can. 

Places to Find Support

If you have been affected by what I’ve written in this story, please find professional help. Some places to start are:

Your GP or medical practitioner

The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

The Samaritans – or call 116 123

Campaign Against Living Miserably 

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*name changed for privacy

Photo: Face mask and bauble – https://pixabay.com/photos/face-mask-tree-ornament-lights-5819709/

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