Cross-cultural advocate and author, Yang-May Ooi, introduces her new project Belonging Across Cultures with a story of her own mistaken assumption that led her to stereotyping a friend. How can we learn more about ourselves – and about other people in a way that connects us beyond obvious and unhelpful assumptions? Join her on this journey of discovery …

It’s Easy to Stereotype

There were eight of us round the table that evening at Moya, an Eastern European restaurant in Oxford. We were all British – four English, one Irish and the remaining of us originally from France, Germany and Malaysia. In this international setting in a quintessentially English city, talk turned to our favourite foods from home. 

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Hanna*, our German friend, told us about making her favourite plum dumplings, a specifically East German recipe. To read Hanna’s story, go to The Journey of East German Dumplings: A Personal Story – next in this collection of vignette’s from our dinner gathering. 

I explained that I had adapted my favourite soy sauce chicken recipe from Malaysia for quick and easy cooking in an English oven – you can read this vignette at Cultural Recipes: Chinese Soy Sauce Chicken cooked Western-style

An Oxfordshire Family

We turned to Laura*. Her family had lived in the Oxfordshire area for generations. Her great-uncle had been a gardener at the Botanical Gardens. Many relatives lived in Cumnor, Kidlington and other villages around Oxford. She herself had been born here, grown up here and now lived and worked here. “We’ve never really left,” she said.

I loved her rootedness to this county. I envied it a little. 

“But my grandfather was Bulgarian. He was over here after the war and met my grandmother.”

He did not talk much about Bulgaria so the family know very little about their Eastern European roots, let alone customs or foods from that tradition. 

My family in recent memory have never had a long continuity in one place over more than three generations – our ancestors having migrated from China to Malaya (now Malaysia) and then to US, Australia, Canada and the UK. There is something precious in Laura’s family having a long connection with this area going back to time immemorial – and also in that one thread that took their DNA across the water to Europe. 

“My father, now that he is retired, is taking more interest and he’s trying to find out more about that side of the family,” Laura said. 

One Pot Curry

Given her essentially solid Oxfordshire roots, I expected Laura’s favourite food from home to be something very English. 

But she said that she loved making curry. 

She has a big pot she uses “It’s one pot cooking – so easy and tasty.” She makes the curry from scratch with a wide range of spices she always has in her cupboard. “I love chicken and I always make six portions or so. We eat it for one meal and there’s plenty left for another day.”

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My Wrong Assumption

I felt embarrassed for making the assumption that someone so very English would have a favourite dish that was very English. And also for expecting that her family to be English through and through with no link to any other culture or country abroad. 

Isn’t that the sort of stereotyping I’m hoping to dispel with this Belonging Across Cultures project? 

It was a perfect lesson in how we all, no matter how well-intentioned or seemingly sensitive to cross-cultural matters, can fall into assumptions about others – me included!

A Journey of Discovery

I wanted to start this project with this story to say that I am not an expert in cross-cultural matters – and definitely not perfect by any means. I am setting off with beginner’s mind with the aim of learning about myself as much as about others from whichever culture, tradition or social group they come from. 

What I do know for certain is that we all have intriguing stories and unique individual lives that can resonate across differences and division – and that is what I hope to bring out through this project. I hope you will join me on this adventure in belonging!

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You can read the other vignettes from this dinner gathering at:

The Journey of East German Dumplings: A Personal Story

Cultural Recipes: Chinese Soy Sauce Chicken cooked Western-style

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*names have been changed for privacy

Ref: moay 

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